10 Lessons For Women That I Learnt The Hard Way


‘Radiant your rarity’ b.x 

and shine like the whole universe is yours. 

Within my traditional mindset of the seventies, I had a belief that I needed a man or a partner to look after me – to complete me. It was something I was taught; something I saw and was told often. (Cue head shake). 

I never had this belief as a whole hearted mindset yet it was an embedded  ‘thought track’. It has taken a huge amount of time to understand and change the inbuilt Disney narrative. 

After many lessons learnt – I encourage you to become personally satisfied, personally secure, personally responsible and knowing of all facets in your life.

The sooner I took all this responsibility and stop thinking someone else would help, do it or fix it – the faster I felt genuine happiness. 

‘Honey girl, you are allowed to glow alone’ b.x

I now wholly and fully stand alone with security, I do not need anyone to define me or stand next to me, to hold my hand. I am strong, I am smart and my choices are my accomplishments.  

10 Lessons For Women That I Learnt The Hard Way


  1. Always stand up for yourself and use your voice. Your voice is powerful and ensure you use thoughtful purposeful words.  Use the strength in your tone not in the volume. Ensure your posture and your stance are filled with strength and unwavering certainty because you are enough and you have it all to succeed. This will ensure communication is clear and you gain value in yourself.

2. Look after your body to feel strong and mentally sharp.  Being healthy and working on your body and mind is not about the exterior it is about fulfilling the interior value.  It is about building yourself up to allow strength and self-respect. Start the health habit now not tomorrow because your body is your vehicle to the next day. Stop waiting for it to happen and focus on building your overall health.  b.truth: The sooner I took control and responsibility for my health it changed everything. I stopped the victim mentality of blaming motherhood or busy for my failing health. 

3. Your body is not for others – it is for you to live in. You are not responsible for others thoughts about your body. However, holding a level of self-respect is also keeping parts of your body for the special people and for you to feel empowered in this moment.  If you share freely in images then all the gifts of you body are shared and there is nothing to unveil to your true love. b.truth: Images stay on the internet forever and are used for everything in your career. 

4. You are not responsible for your partner ever! – he/her/they are their own responsibly and if they make you feel like you must fix or look after them – remove yourself from them. The responsibility is theirs to solve personal growth; emotional baggage or other  issues.  You are not a hospital for the broken. You can be a supportive partner, helpful and loving however you are not responsible for this grown adult.  In parenting as a mother – you and the partner are both responsible for the children in a partnership. This fact must be established before pregnancy and be sort to be fulfilled. If a male gay couple can do this there is no difference for a heterosexual couple. It is not about ‘maternal instinct’ we need to remove this stigma of women as parents are ‘both parents’.

5. Keep your name – it is your identity. You are defined as you – your birth name and when this changes it is a big change of you.  Think carefully about this decision, as it is not the social norm anymore and for good reason.  Avoid also being named as the ‘wife of’or ‘the mother of’ as you have an identity of your own – just as your children do too. They also need not be named ‘the son of’ or ‘daughter of’.  We are responsible for our own identity and our own name.

B.truth – I am known as several names – my birth name, my married name (at which I built my business and identity upon – only to then be hurt by this association. I was forced to change my entire name).  I now have a name that is changed legally however it is a version of my name.  My name identity is actually made up. (Cue head shake)


6. Know your own personal finances and budget for your own money. Ensure your car is in your name and your phone (including the bill) is in your name.  These three key factors are your freedom.  Even if you own them and are paying for them it is imperative because if anything ever happens within a partnership they are almost impossible to retain. b.truth: In my divorce I had to fight for my phone number, my car as they were in both in our names and he was primary holder. Ensure you are both primary contacts and card holders across all titles.

7. Pay your own way. This is your personal power to free choice. It always gives you the freedom to choose for you. Even on dates it is important that you hold this equality. You then feel free to choose your drink and your food as you are paying for yourself. The exception to this rule is if it is insisted upon for you to be paid for (no one likes a fight over money) – enjoy the kind and thoughtful gesture given.


8. Everyone in the household is responsible for everything in the household. Everyone works together in all jobs, both inside and outside. This includes the children. Chores build self worth and resilience. b. truth – Make sure you know how to fix the pool, how to sort the power box and how to do basic outdoor chores. Especially change the gas bottle on the bbq! 


9. Treat yourself with knowledge and beauty treatments to gain self-respect. This is how you feel that beautiful self-glow. This personal power will extend outwardly faster and better than any luxury handbag or car.  b.truth – It will provide you with pure confidence that material items will not as these are useless when you are walking around in your glowing confident body and no one notices that if your face and smile light up a room.


10. Avoid the judgment of others.  Especially the visual judgment as unless you know their whole story – STOP yourself from assumptions. Choose to only speak kindness of others. Always empower other women; always choose your confidence over comparison.  Female friends are invaluable as we have a complete understanding of one another. b.truth: thanks to my girl gang as I could not have got through this life without them!


Health and Happiness,